“If the first rule of love is astonished recognition (‘This at last is bone from my bones, and flesh from my flesh!’ – Gen. 2:23 JB), the second is that ‘a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh’ (Gen 2:24). If there is no ‘leaving,’ there can be no cleaving.
Love launches us into new territory. To explore the new, the old must be left. It means leaving earlier levels of accomplishment and relationship and growing into new ones. Every act of love is a risk of the self. there are no guarantees in love. Much can go wrong: we can get hurt; we can be rejected; we can be deceived. But without risking these perils there can only be a repetition of old patterns, the routinization of old comforts . . . The self, if it is to become itself, must find a larger house to dwell in than the house where everyone coddles us and responds to our whims.” Eugene Peterson Earth & Altar