Sorry that I haven’t posted anything on this blog since last Wednesday. It’s been a whirlwind taking my beautiful daughter off to college. Wow! You have a child, and you have the goal of helping them grow up, so that you can release them into the world. You do it all having no idea how hard it can be to let your beautiful bird fly from the nest. There’s a lot of things I could share, but even though I post things on this blog I’m old-fashioned in my belief that not every part of my life is to be posted for public consumption on social media. There is much of my private world that needs to be intimately kept between me and God so as to preserve my humanness. However, there is one thing I want to share with those who read my blog.
As we left our house last Thursday to drive down to SoCal, my daughter’s room was now empty. She and her mom were running a few last-minute errands and so I was left in the house and I walked by her room that had been cleaned out – empty. Just one look and my heart began to squeeze with that inner ache you feel when you grieve. You know what I did? I ran from the feeling. I went into the kitchen to quickly find something else to do. But do you know what the Holy Spirit did? God’s Spirit quietly whispered to me, “You need to sit in her room and allow yourself to feel what you really feel.” No way! I didn’t want to feel what I felt. I wanted to avoid what I felt, but I knew God’s Spirit was right. So I went into her room and began to cry as I recalled all these precious memories of her reading her books, drawing amazing pictures, bedtime hugs and prayers, tears, and meaningful conversations that were now closing as a season of our lives together. As much as I wanted to avoid my feelings it actually helped to let myself feel my feelings and let them go into God’s hands. Crying hurt, and saying goodbye to a wonderful season of my life with daughter hurts. But I know that by moving toward my feelings and feeling those feelings, rather than away from them, I allow God to meet me and help me move forward.
If you’re dealing with something in your life where you want to avoid your feelings, don’t do it. Take the Holy Spirit’s words to me and use them in your own life – “You need to allow yourself to feel with you really feel.”